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There are
epics about my acts of kindness. My heroic adventures are legendary. The
history of Katri is taught at school. I'm just too modest to elaborate.
So, instead of telling you of my famous feats (and, to be honest, that
would be pretty pointless because I'm sure you've read the papers and
the books and seen the movie), I'm going to just rant about some other
things people often neglect.
I'm a very kind-hearted person. I've donated many coins to good causes via slot machines. My intentions might not be altogether good, but the results remain the same. I give most of my money to the music industry, bookshops and beverage companies (the Coca-Cola Company and PepsiCo, to be precise). In other words, I support small and struggling companies that otherwise might collapse. My mobile phone operator also gets a substantial amount of money, which is quite surprising since people usually tell me I never call them. This is because I suffer from phone phobia (a rare condition which makes you go out of your way to deal personally with people who live very far just to avoid calling them on the phone). My abilities and skills are often underestimated. Not that this has anything to do with my kindness or goodness, but I just had to bring it up anyway. I'm just angling for sympathy. From strangers. No thanks, I won't have any candy and I don't need a lift, but sympathy would be nice. Even without the tea (obscure TV commercial reference). Anyway, if laughter lengthens your life, many of my friends (haha!) should appreciate my effort of making them live longer just by existing and providing them with endless material. Just don't play Trivial Pursuit with me. Either I win and rub your face in it with an annoying victory dance and constant reminders of my intellectual superiority. If I lose, I sulk and might jam those little triangles up your nose. By the way, if you win, it's not a sign of your intellectual superiority, you just had all the easy questions. Dumb luck. At least I was a good single girl and tried to keep Sinkkuklubi (our Singles' club, est. 1998) alive. Well, the club is still going strong, but the name isn't that descriptive anymore - of our original 8 members, seven are now married and the 8th wedding is in a couple of months. I had no life whatsoever, so remaining single wasn't that hard. I sort of had this dream about a gorgeous boy in a navy uniform, knocking on my door and speaking Italian (I know how Wanda felt). Well, it didn't happen, but I did go to a party once and get offered expensive champagne and have been happy since. The champagne must have been really good, apparently it is and was considered a great investment. We'll love you -- Alanis Morissette, Sometimes |