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Do you know
the feeling you get when you have a great idea and can't wait to be able
to share it with your friends, your work mates and those guys who give
out the Nobel prizes? Well I don't. I do, however, know the feeling you
get when you have a really bad idea - the funny thing is, it usually
involves an equal need to share your invention with all the people who
happen to be really unfortunate and stand/sit/sleep/live/watch
pigeons/kill beavers in your vicinity because there's no avoiding the
awful fate of having somebody tell their terrible little thoughts to
you. Like you should care. I'm one of these "need-to-share"
people and now realised I have the perfect opportunity to share all my
not-so-good ideas with everybody who has access to the Internet!
Fortunately most of them are surfing the net porn waves with aching
wrists and I only get to write to my imaginary friends (it's a
well-known fact that I don't have any friends, I just happen to know the
names of a couple of guys).
Some of these thoughts, theories and
made-up facts are actually in Finnish (the really bright ones probably
noticed it already) since they would make no sense in English. That does
not necessarily mean they make much sense in Finnish either.
It would be nice to be on a successful TV show. Well, obviously you'd get loads of money and whatnot, but the fun part would be appearing during the opening credits. Never mind the show; if you were the lead character, you'd get to do all sorts of fun things in short little clips, with a nice tune playing the background. It's like having your own Best of... moments made into a music video. Grreat. Almost all girls go through a Comic Sans MS stage. That seems to be the best font available. Just to let you know - I'm over mine. I can't stand Comic Sans MS anymore. Come on girls - see the light! (Join me in my current Tahoma/Verdana addiction! she shouted and her eyes were glazed as if she was under a spell...) If you can't be the best go for the other extreme. That's my motto. My other motto is "Miksi olla vaikea, kun voi vähällä vaivalla olla täysin mahdoton?" Do animals have headaches? Do their limbs ever go to sleep? What would it look like if all the bones in a human body would break kind of like an earthquake? I called this the baseball phenomenon, but then forgot what that was supposed to mean. My thoughts are too deep even for me to understand, obviously. If you had to walk along the biggest street in a big town wearing only one item of clothing, what would it be? I've given this a lot of thought. Haven't decided yet, though. Miksi jotkut kielet eivät ymmärrä kuinka outoja ovat? Miksi kielissä on sellaisia vääryyksiä kuten ruotsissa "chokladkaka"? If I made a music video it'd be like this video from a giant outdoor concert with a gigantic audience - of penguins. I saw a picture once where the caption read "a million penguins". You can't get that many people easily, so why not use penguins? My brother once told me to think about all these penguins yawning simultaneously. I couldn't stop yawning for about half an hour, I thought I was going insane. Incidentally the same thing happens to me when I look at a photo I took of myself - yawning. If you could choose one of the following supernatural powers: a) you could shoot fresh water out of your forefinger (a bit like having an in-built water gun) or b) you could pee through your little finger, which one would you choose? I think most women would choose b, but guys might want to fool around with the water gun. Why is it that nobody feels like breaking the norms? People are soooo boring. Nobody I know wants to know what would happen if you went into a supermarket, took a bag of powder detergent from the shelf, opened and started tossing it into the air and shouting "Look, mom, it's snowing!". Then, when you take a Silja Line ferry from Helsinki to Stockholm (or vice versa), there's always this annoying person taking photographs (Who wants these photos anyway?) and I suggested that somebody'd act really pissed off, run to the photographer, tear the film out of the camera while cursing and muttering "Damn paparazzi, they're everywhere!". Nobody did that either. What's wrong with you people? Also why doesn't anybody want to be an adult anymore? It's so cool to "still be a little kid inside" but I think I'd feel a bit safer if the country was run and all really important work was done by adults instead of seven-year-olds. There's nothing wrong with keeping that little kid inside but if you never grow up and start taking responsibilities, you probably should just stay in the playfield all day or get a job making TV commercials for supermarkets. Why does the city of Toronto (at least the city center) smell of zambonis? Why is it that nowadays almost the most insulting thing you can say to a person is that they are ordinary or normal? Everybody wants to be original (well, that I can understand), quirky, weird, even mad. Anything but ordinary. The truth, however, is that most of us really are so damn ordinary there's really no use fighting against it. Being ordinary doesn't need to be boring, I'd say it's pretty safe. Everybody is an individual, some are just ordinary and maybe predictable individuals... One day I was wondering why this woman I know was so concerned about my well-being and had obviously been thinking quite a bit about my health and what's been bothering me. I was surprised until I realized we live in the same house and that the woman was actually my mother. If I had a company that manufactured tents, I'd call it Compe. Then everybody would say: "We won't buy just any ordinary tent, we want to buy a Compe tent!" Miksi puhutaan seksin harrastamisesta? Esimerkkikertomus: "Joo, onhan mulla harrastuksia. Maanantaina on kirjallisuuskerho, torstaisin käyn aerobicissä ja viikonloppuisin harrastan seksiä. Me kokoonnutaan usein ihan kaveriporukalla, perustettiin tossa viime talvena ihan oma seurakin; Nakkilan Niksauttajat. Piirimestaruuskisoissa meni ihan hyvin, oltiin sekasarjassa viidensinä." I think probably 90% of the things we say could be left unsaid and about 20% of the things we say we later wish we hadn't (percentages are nice). Wouldn't it be nice (especially to all the people who know me) if everybody talked a lot less but said only really important things aloud? You're right - no, it wouldn't be nice, because I wouldn't be allowed to speak at all. Why is it that guys assume all girls have an inborn ability to cook and sew? Mine got lost in the mail. And why do girls assume that all guys can lift heavy things and fix household appliances when actually women are better at everything? (We do need men to do the lifting, though.) When I was a little kid I needed a LOT of glue. We got this big tube every school year and I think I always used before the summer vacation. I had loads of things I had to glue. Why is it that now that I'm a bit older I never seem to need paper glue? I have a theory that explains bad weather. Maybe this sounds familiar: you have a very important day (wedding day, birthday, you're in a hurry or something like that) and you're hoping for a beautiful day, but instead you get rain, thunder, snow, earthquakes and stuff like that. Sometimes you may be hoping for rain - the you can count on the sun to shine brightly. I'm about to reveal a huge secret. The weather is there just to tick us off. According to my theory, whatever the weather may be like, it's bound to make somebody unhappy. The weather does it on purpose - if the rain ruins your outdoor wedding, you are the weather victim of the day. If, however, you notice the weather to be awful but it doesn't cause you any discomfort, you can always think of all the people that kind of weather is doing a lot of damage to and you'll feel a lot better. Well, at least if you're a mean person. A bit like me. They sometimes give you bad salt in restaurants. The salt is probably stale and four hundred years old and that's why they try to hide its taste by having you drink tequila and suck a lemon afterwards, but your stomach can't be fooled that easily and chances are you'll be throwing up the next day. |