| you know i'm bad, i'm bad... | ||
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I'm often
finding it difficult to be bad at all. This is because I have a
well-developed and over-active conscience. When I was very little, one
Friday afternoon I didn't manage to close the water tap at school
properly. It was left dripping. The whole weekend I had nightmares of my
school being inundated or going bankrupt because of a giant water
bill.
Sometimes I have half-accidentally done something very evil. I've occasionally helped lift a pram into a bus or opened a door to another person without knowing I was committing a terrible crime. The murderous stare, a vicious growl and the teeth marks on my wrist made me realise I'd done something wrong (some people do respond differently, for instance with a smile, but I'm sure we will get rid of these horrible outlaws). These growlers and mutterers have a common goal. They want to make young people afraid of offering their help, thus enabling the meanies the pleasure of complaining how horrible the young people of today are. Fortunately for the young people of today, the wrinkles on my face are starting to show and I'm probably not associated with your group anymore. Soon we'll hear complaints about the horrible middle-aged people around. My real vices are very puerile. I have a wide range of disgusting dinner-time stories to tell. Sometimes a mad moment of childishness can lead to embarrassment. I may have hijacked (and almost broken) a child's toy horse in a shop. I may have pinched a middle-aged guy in the butt during an ice-hockey game because he was a very stubbornly subjective fan of the wrong team. It is possible I have a tendency of bursting out laughing at very inappropriate moments (when singing with the school choir in front of the church in our Xmas concert or in the school central radio). I often feel the need to open my mouth in situations where a wise person would remain silent. These are the moments when you say whatever crosses your mind, which is not always a good thing. Apparently, my jokes aren't always very obvious. I'm quite sure some people believe I'm up to some really strange things. OK, so they are right. But of course, once you tell something and see the bemused looks on people's faces, the quick "haha, just kidding!" isn't always as effective a means of damage control as you'd hope. When I drive, I do it fast and badly. My parking's even worse. I've left a permanent mark in several cars. I'm sure that they will be extremely valuable one day, just like my autographs! As you can see, there's not much to tell about the dark side of my force. I might have learned (the hard way - is there any other way? Maybe the soft way just didn't have what it takes to become a household name) not to tell everything on my web page, because I can never know for sure who's going to end up reading them. Hi, future boss! Just ignore everything else on these pages and remember that I'm a very good employee! |